We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

I decided to keep a online journal because it's always been a good escape for me when things don't seem right, and I need to get something off my chest, or even when things are great telling my future self all about it. For me, personally it is a good way for me to be able to reflect back on myself. I either have things I need to change, so getting it out holds me accountable... That or I look back at the fun/sad/happy/bad/etc memories in the future and see where I am in that day, and reflect on it.

A lot of my beginning entries will probably be random, just to put a bunch of different stages in my life that I've gone through in it. I will try not to be so hard on myself in my writings as I know that self pity isn't always cute. I know when I need to get my big girl panties on and women up, no matter how hard it is to be honest with myself. I will never sugar coat things for my future self either.

We'll see how this goes.

Our sunshine didn't come from the skies, it came from our bunnies eyes.

July 18th, 2021
This is the day I have never seen so much heartbreak, in my daughter's eyes. Our pet Bunny, Lucy passed away unexpectedly. She was no ordinary bunny rabbit though! Lucy has been our free roam bunny for the past 3 years, it was love at first sight. The day we got her we put chairs up blocking from leaving the living room, after a few hours of that she has not left the living room a single time in 3 years. She was so smart that she would run around the living room all day and then go in her cage to poop, pee and eat. When you would walk in the living room she would jump up on your leg and love all over you. If you were eating chips she would come up to you and bite the bag out of your hands and run around while you chase to get it back. I never thought that a bunny rabbit would, or could have such personality. The memories I could share about her are endless because she was always doing something that would make you laugh, like her and the cat chasing each other around the living room to her and the cat snuggling under the coffee table.

I won't get into to much detail on how or why she died, which we are still not 100% certain about. However I will say that it was the day that I realized my Seraphina who is 10 has more motherly instincts than a lot of actual mothers I know. I have seen her freak out more over bumping her toe into something than her actions to reacting to finding the bunny passing away. She tried to bring her back to life until she took her last sip of water in my daughters arms. We weren't even in the room so we did not know what was even going on until after. While she finally got us, we came into the living room seeing the bunny in her arms, bunny food, water, pillows, wet towels and all surrounding her... The SADDNESS and HEARTBREAK in my daughters eyes. My husband immediately grabbed the bunny and ran into the bathroom and gave her CPR crying, trying to bring her back to life for over an hour. Giuliana and Seraphina have not been able to literally leave my bedroom since. They have been sleeping on our floor and only going to the bathroom. I hope soon they start to feel a little better because this has been a tragedy on us.

We love you and Miss you SO much
Lucy Beans